Shark Caught

AMITY - The 4th of July is a day of double celebration this year on Amity Island. Not only the birth of the country is celebrated, also the shark responsible for two deaths and much panic in Amity was caught and killed this morning.

A Police Report by Chief Brody told everybody the good news that the beast was caught in waters one mile south-southwest of Amity. The fisherman, Mike Swenson, will receive $3,000 for his courage and selfless efforts.

The shark that has been stalking Amity beaches turned out to be a 11-feet-long nurse shark of 875 pounds. It was identified as such by Matt Hooper, a marine biologist from the Woods Hole, Mass., Oceanographic Institute, and one of the world's foremost experts on sharks.

He said that nurse sharks such as this one are among the most brutal and dangerous of all sharks. They have been responsible for numerous swimmers'  deaths along the East Coast of the United States, although Hooper said there have not been similar attacks of nurse sharks in this area as far as he can remember.

As a direct result of the catch of the shark, Amity beaches will be reopened immediately, just in time for the big flow of tourists that will visit Amity for the 4th of July national holiday. As beaches are open, local entrepreneurs need not worry anymore about loss of income.

Brody encouraged Amity inhabitants and visitors to enjoy Amity beaches once again, and enjoy the water, swimming and the water sports for which Amity is so renowned.

Despite the fact that the shark is caught, shark spotters will still be present at Amity beaches during the weekend from the Coast Guard, the Marine Patrol, the Massachusetts State Police, the U.S. Navy, Homeland Security, the FBI, and numerous other agencies. Brody tells Amity inhabitants that they are not at risk anymore, but that these people are there by means of a safety precaution.

The fact that these safety precautions are effective, can be seen by the little incident that happened on Amity beach today. With the beach full of locals and visitors who were swimming and enjoying themselves, two 12-year-olds, Wayne Winston, Brad Haplin, both of Amity, scared everybody out of the water and set the safety precaution system in working by diving under a shark-fin-shaped hood, making it appear as if a shark swam nearby.

"He made me do it!' was Winstons' only comment when the boys were caught red-handed, coming to the surface where all gunpoints of all available officers were pointed at them. Luckily, despite a couple of scratches and bruises caused by people who wanted to get out of the water as soon as possible, nobody was hurt in the prank. The boys have been handed over to the custody of their parents.

If anybody sees a real shark, however, they can call the shark hotline to report the sighting to the authorities: 1-800-sharksee.